What a name?

I have a name given by somebody else. The name is not of my choice. But still few people recognized me by this word which is described as my Name. But what next after it? I am lost somewhere. I am invisible within myself. I am here with lots of question to answer but I am empty. I have nothing to offer. Whenever I gave anything, in return I am always empty handed. I am taught not to expect anything from others but do it means I am not allowed to expect anything even from my own people. Why can't I achieve what I wish in the life?

I never had a big dream. No special plan in my life. I wanted to have a decent living with ordinary life style. For me, ordinary life is not written.

I am always struggling for everything in my life. I have never achieved anything easily. Even for a small thing I am always struggling. So there is no scene for great events. Is this good or not? I don’t know myself. Even now I am living; this is also the result of my struggle to face the situation.

Once I had a general talk with my friend and she shared that she was noticed by somebody (now I don’t remember his name) for the article which was published few years back. The article was jointly written by she and me but that "somebody" told her that he saw the article with the daughter of "…………". I was gathering the words to find myself and there was a comment from a person with the expression of "daughter of …………". Where am I? I, Pravinata Osti. What if I change my name now? Can it be possible? May be not it will be too complex if I tried to change it now. So the few things will remain same forever. Among them the name is one.

So I am fine with my name. But once, during a case in Supreme Court, when I introduced myself the senior judge commented "what a difficult name?" Likewise once we were going to Butwal to attain the Conference of Women Lawyer, due to bad visibility the flight was cancelled and we were going by road. We were in the gang of politicians. I was the youngest with no political influence. One of the politicians was not able to remember my name as he found it difficult to remember. So I helped him by saying 'Not YCL but PCL". PCL; Proficiency Certificate level known as Pravinata Pramanpatra Taha in Nepali. Later when I met of them he was not able to recognize me and helped him by saying the same "Not YCL but PCL" and he recognized me immediately. He was sharing that even the senior politician was remembering me with the same saying. So how could I complain for my name or for what? Although it is a unique and difficult name but still I am the only one with this name. I have not heard another person with this name in Nepal. Yes in Indonesia I found some people with this name but in Nepal I am the only one. So this is my identity and I am proud to be Pravinata Osti.

Creating the account

16^th July, 2011; I must say this is a land mark day of my life. My friend Ruku inspired me to join Blog. Here I can write whatever I want. I can share whatever I feel. It does not matter whether other will understand it or not. It does not matter what will other say about my writing or my feeling.  At least it is a place where I can share my happiness or my frustration.

Thank you Ruku for inspiring me.

Anurag is topper among boys

Few days back I was waiting for my friend in front of the gate of Head office of Agricultural Development Bank. A jeep passed and the speed was lessened. A hand with mobile was come and captured the photograph. I was curious to know why the speed was lessened and the person from jeep was taking that photo. I looked up in my left side and noticed a big flex hanging in the wall of bank. Then suddenly I gave a look at the number plate of the jeep. I don’t remember the whole number of plate but I still remember that it was "Lu" indicating that a jeep is from Lumbini Zone. Then I tried to recognized photo with mala and the faces of the flex.

Then I get the answer that he is the person who secured the highest marks among boys and second highest marks overall in the S.L.C. examination of this year. I read in news that the boy who secured the second position is from Rupandehi. Then I was able to link the jeep, its number plate and the intention of taking photograph.

The flex is hanging with the matter congratulating the top two position holder and coincidently they both were the children of the staff of ADBL. It is good to see the achievement of the children of same office. It is the matter of being proud for such achievement. The person who was taking that photograph might be his relative or his well-wisher or the colleague of the parent of the boy. So may be that person was taking the photograph to show in the office in Rupandehi.

But still I noticed there is something wrong, unequal treatment and may be patriarchal thinking. Generally in Nepali Hindu tradition senior seats at the right hand side. But in the flex The Topper Akrity Pandey with 93.25% is at left and the second position holder Anurag Pandey with 93.14% is at right hand side. When I noticed I tried to find the answer of this placement. The few coincident between them; they both have same last name with same initial latter of their first name, ADBL family is proud of them, their father/mother work in the same organization. And the truth is Anurag is topper among boys.

One of the reasons might be, the parent of boy is in higher position than the topper. Our mentality is always the same we don’t see what is but always tried to relate the things with what was. The feudalistic concept never allowed us to praise the quality. It always related with the family background.    

How much we advocate for equality or justice we all are suffering from same mentality described as patriarchal mentality. The society cannot see or digest a girl leading the mass. So whenever there is any girl or woman leading the mass she has to face much more question than man and also she has to give the examination in every step of the task.

Or may be this was purely unintentional. The designer was not aware of it and the other people did not noticed about the placement. So this might have happened due to ignorance of culture.

Whatever the reason be either intentional or unintentional but the topper is presented as the second position holder.

The Supreme Court has issued several orders to recognize the principle of equality and to secure the rights of minority. But just in front of Supreme Court a topper is traced as second position holder. May be this flex will be there till the next year's result or it might torn out itself but what will happen to it the reality never changed that Akrity Padey is the SLC topper of the year 2068.