What a name?

I have a name given by somebody else. The name is not of my choice. But still few people recognized me by this word which is described as my Name. But what next after it? I am lost somewhere. I am invisible within myself. I am here with lots of question to answer but I am empty. I have nothing to offer. Whenever I gave anything, in return I am always empty handed. I am taught not to expect anything from others but do it means I am not allowed to expect anything even from my own people. Why can't I achieve what I wish in the life?

I never had a big dream. No special plan in my life. I wanted to have a decent living with ordinary life style. For me, ordinary life is not written.

I am always struggling for everything in my life. I have never achieved anything easily. Even for a small thing I am always struggling. So there is no scene for great events. Is this good or not? I don’t know myself. Even now I am living; this is also the result of my struggle to face the situation.

Once I had a general talk with my friend and she shared that she was noticed by somebody (now I don’t remember his name) for the article which was published few years back. The article was jointly written by she and me but that "somebody" told her that he saw the article with the daughter of "…………". I was gathering the words to find myself and there was a comment from a person with the expression of "daughter of …………". Where am I? I, Pravinata Osti. What if I change my name now? Can it be possible? May be not it will be too complex if I tried to change it now. So the few things will remain same forever. Among them the name is one.

So I am fine with my name. But once, during a case in Supreme Court, when I introduced myself the senior judge commented "what a difficult name?" Likewise once we were going to Butwal to attain the Conference of Women Lawyer, due to bad visibility the flight was cancelled and we were going by road. We were in the gang of politicians. I was the youngest with no political influence. One of the politicians was not able to remember my name as he found it difficult to remember. So I helped him by saying 'Not YCL but PCL". PCL; Proficiency Certificate level known as Pravinata Pramanpatra Taha in Nepali. Later when I met of them he was not able to recognize me and helped him by saying the same "Not YCL but PCL" and he recognized me immediately. He was sharing that even the senior politician was remembering me with the same saying. So how could I complain for my name or for what? Although it is a unique and difficult name but still I am the only one with this name. I have not heard another person with this name in Nepal. Yes in Indonesia I found some people with this name but in Nepal I am the only one. So this is my identity and I am proud to be Pravinata Osti.